So now I have a choice. Do I honor his labor and start sewing immediately? I have some absolutely darling baby patterns for rompers and buntings and really cute stuff. Or do I get started on the blessing afghan I've been promising to make for the new baby (who is due in December). He found the yarn for that on Saturday. Notice how a lot of my progress in ANYTHING is tied to his presence???
Or do I get going on the ragdolls that he bought me the cutting mat for? Or maybe all three? Nothing says I can't do three things at once. I'm a woman! I can do sewing stuff in the office when the girls are up, and crochet in the living room when they're asleep.
Hmm...so many choices. So much cuteness to be discovered! I need to invite some friends over for a sew/crochet party or something!
Notice something? I am so very very excited about all of this. And yet...what does it mean for me? Additional things to occupy my free time, which is rare as it is.
That is something of a segue into my third posting on how to survive as a mommy. Unnecessary stuff cluttering up our time.
Now, granted, the items I have mentioned are not bad in and of themselves. The dolls are meant to be income items, to be sold at the Farmer's Market. The baby clothes are for my little boy, who, at this point, doesn't have a whole lot of clothes yet. At least, not clothes that aren't pink, purple, and very girly. And the afghan is something of a tradition for me. Each of my kids so far has had a special blanket for their blessing. Esther had one from her step-grandma. Taea had one I made years ago for my hope chest.
Still, they are all very time-consuming projects. They could consume ME if I let them.
Then there is the fact that I have been given three different book series, and I haven't started on any of them. I know, those of you who know me are gasping in shock right now. My library rivals that of any school in the state in size. But still, I learned a very important lesson about books. They tend to envelope you to the point that EVERYTHING else gets neglected until you finish the very last sentence of the very last page of the very last book. Granted, I am a fast reader, but we're still talking at least two weeks of reading material here!
No, I am saving the books for this winter, when I am too fat to get up and do anything else.
So where am I going with this?
A lot of SAHM's who are frustrated with their lives mention they just don't have time for themselves. You're right, you don't. Your time belongs to everyone else, 24/7/365. And why? Because you let it.
Now, before you lynch me, no I am not blaming you. There are a lot of good things in the world for us to do. Good, necessary, important stuff, like feeding and clothing our kids. And for those of use who were raised with an "idle hands are the devil's workshop" mentality, it is practically impossible to sit still. I was raised by a woman with Great Depression parents, and it is so interesting to watch her sometimes. She is virtually incapable of sitting still. If she isn't actively doing something while she is watching TV, she has a notebook in her hands, learning something from the stock gurus on the various business channels. It is rare for her to watch an entire recreational movie from beginning to end.
And what does that do? Well, it tends to make your life so noisy, you end up constantly pent up and frustrated. Lately, due to lifelong arthritis and such, she has been forced to slow down. I have actually seen her on the couch, once or twice, not doing anything! But not because she wants to. Because she has to.
Is that what us young mothers want to come to? Work ourselves so hard with this, that, and the other that we end up with no life left in us by the time the kids are grown and gone?
It is time to prioritize, ladies. It is time for us to determine what is truly important. We need to find time in our day, even if it is just five minutes, to just sit down, relax, and be quiet. No radio, no TV, no books, nothing. Just relax, let your brain unwind, and be still.
Have you ever done archery? Have you ever seen what happens to a bowstring when it is constantly wound up tight? Over time, it tends to stretch and lose its spring. In rare cases, I've seen overwound bowstrings snap. I don't know about you, but if I were to snap, it would not be pretty. My family would be emotionally scarred for life.
We need time to ourselves. Yes, I've mentioned it is good for us to have hobbies, but hobbying and relaxing should be different things. If you find it is impossible for you to actually sit still during your relaxation, try taking up a meditative activity, like yoga. Such things are focused on helping the body be calm and flexible. Slow, easy movements can help to get you back into a focused rhythm that will help the rest of your day go so much easier. Do I speak from experience? No, I am about as flexible as a statue. I've never been able to touch my toes. But I do like stretching. I understand the concept. You have to take the time to let your mind and body quiet. I do feel much better and quieter after simple stretching. Frankly, stretching is good anyway because it can make us more nimble and less prone to injury.
Some of you are undoubtedly saying "but I just don't have the time until evening after the kids are in bed, and then I'm too tired." That's perfect. The best time for your body to be at peace is right before bed. My brain has the annoying habit of going a thousand miles a minutes before I go to bed, so it takes me forever just to get to sleep.
Experts have suggested a variety of sleep helps. Relaxation is definitely one of them. After you get the kitchen cleaned, toys picked up, lunches made for school and work, and throw in a load of wash, just sit down. Relax. TV is not the best idea. The rapid-fire images and light will actually make you more pent up than before you sat down!
Play some relaxing music if you must. Something without words, something soothing. Sit back, try some stretching or yoga, and just let the stress of the day unwind. Even if you only do this for fifteen minutes or so, I think you'll find you have a much easier time getting to sleep, and that is key to recharging your body and mind for the next day. If you find that you can't turn your brain off, keep a notepad by the bed so you can write down things to do the next day, or reminders of things that need to be taken care of. Write them down, then let them go so you can sleep.
Once you work out a pattern of evening relaxation, try to find a point during the daytime hours when you can do the same thing. Right after babies go down for nap, or when they're involved in quiet activity, or anytime you can leave them for a few minutes. Just find a quiet spot, sit back, and just relax. If the kids intrude, explain that mommy is resting for a minute, and they need to go do something else. Stick to your guns on this. You kids WILL survive five minutes without you. After a while, they will get used to the idea. And I think they will like a relaxed mommy much better than a keyed-up, stressed out one.
If you have to eliminate something on your to-do list, do it! Remember the crafts I mentioned earlier? If my sanity is hanging by a thread, the last thing I need to do is add another project to my list. Just let something go, something trivial, even something that can just plain wait. I think you'll actually be surprised by how much you get done when you have a new, relaxed state of mind. Admit it, you know you function better when you're in a good mood than when you're stressed. Stress causes your brain to fuzz. You're much more likely to make dumb mistakes, or forget something, which just causes you extra work. Taking the five minutes to calm down could save you hours of work undoing your mistakes later!! Ever had to rewash a load of dishes or clothes because you forgot the soap? (Me!)
Mommyhood is about much more than just survival, ladies! It's about surviving with our wits and our health as intact as possible. It's time to take back our time, spend some time on ourselves, and refill our depleted energy reservoirs as much as possible. We've all heard the studies. It is impossible for us to do our best for our families when we are completely exhausted. Don't feel guilty about the time you take for yourself, because it is as much for them as it is for us. To be the best mommy you can, you have to feel your best.
Hang in there!
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