Y'know, I think that is actually one of the biggest problems as SAHM has. Sheer boredom. Yeah, we may work our tails off all day cleaning, changing diapers, cleaning some more, feeding kids, playing with kids, and just generally taking care of the house, but how mentally challenging is all that? Yes, yes, I know my kids will get old enough to start asking the tough questions, and that will be pretty challenging, but right now, while I am pregnant and have NO energy at all, it's hard to keep myself from falling asleep mentally.
I spend some time on the Net, obviously. Blogging helps me to reorganize my brain. Reading other people's blogs reminds me things could be so much worse. I just spend a little time seeing what is going on in the outside world, and more often than not, it encourages me to stay away from it as much as possible!
And yet there is some good too. The world hasn't completely gone to heck. The trouble is finding the good, while handling two rambunctious toddlers, without them getting snatched, or run over, or any of the other horrible things that can happen.
So...stuck at home. Most of the time. Worried sick about sending her to school. Could she be molested? Will she forever have separation anxiety from being sent away from Mommy so early? She's a pretty independent kid...but you still worry.
Then there is Taea, who is getting so smart. The day will come when she will figure out the doorknobs and locks, and I will be worried sick about her going out into the street in a moment of inattention.
So what to do? I can't live in paranoia, stress isn't good. For preggies, or anyone else. But neither can I just ignore the potential dangers. Just flip to the news sites for five minutes, and every day there is some new report about some new way your kid can get themselves killed in a seemingly innocent, safe home. Roman shades. I mean, c'mon, how random! They're even phasing out drop-side cribs because kids can get trapped and suffocate!
So how do I keep my kids, and myself, entertained and sane without putting us at risk?
Nope, not too sure on this one. Even just going out in the back yard to play in my fairly safe play area that is gated off from all the other stuff in the yard could be a hazard. They could get stung by a bee or wasp, they could fall off the slide and break their necks...or arms...or each other. And yet I can't be a helicopter parent because they will never learn that way.
Sigh. Y'know, some days I think insanity would be an acceptable option. Thoughts?
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Confusing a Three Year Old...Where is my camera?
Y'know how you dread the question "where do babies come from?" I mean, how the heck to explain intimacy to someone that small?
Well, before that, there is the other question. "Mom, why is your tummy getting so big?"
For us, it hasn't been so much of a direct question, due to Esther's speech problems, than it has been a battle to keep them from squashing me. Any time I sit down, it's a race to Mommy's lap for tickles, which inevitably ends in my getting kicked, or squashed, or head-butted in my baby bulge. So Jeff and decided to tell Esther that she needs to be careful because there is a baby growing in Mommy's tummy.
I have never seen such a puzzled look on her face before. It was priceless!
First she looked at me, then my tummy. The baby isn't quite moving enough yet for her to see the bumps and movements yet, so after a long moment of confusion...she lifts up her own shirt and looks down at her tummy! She said something vaguely resembling "baby in tummy?", at which point we had to explain that only mommies have babies in their tummies.
I still don't think she gets it. Still, what I would have paid to have my camera on hand to capture that look!
I'm hoping as I get bigger, and the baby's movements become more pronounced, Esther might get the idea. We've told her she is getting another baby sister, but I don't think she quite gets it yet. Until the baby actually comes, and she has tangible evidence in front of her, she'll just think that Mommy is getting fat.
Thank goodness it doesn't matter to kids as much as adults!
Well, before that, there is the other question. "Mom, why is your tummy getting so big?"
For us, it hasn't been so much of a direct question, due to Esther's speech problems, than it has been a battle to keep them from squashing me. Any time I sit down, it's a race to Mommy's lap for tickles, which inevitably ends in my getting kicked, or squashed, or head-butted in my baby bulge. So Jeff and decided to tell Esther that she needs to be careful because there is a baby growing in Mommy's tummy.
I have never seen such a puzzled look on her face before. It was priceless!
First she looked at me, then my tummy. The baby isn't quite moving enough yet for her to see the bumps and movements yet, so after a long moment of confusion...she lifts up her own shirt and looks down at her tummy! She said something vaguely resembling "baby in tummy?", at which point we had to explain that only mommies have babies in their tummies.
I still don't think she gets it. Still, what I would have paid to have my camera on hand to capture that look!
I'm hoping as I get bigger, and the baby's movements become more pronounced, Esther might get the idea. We've told her she is getting another baby sister, but I don't think she quite gets it yet. Until the baby actually comes, and she has tangible evidence in front of her, she'll just think that Mommy is getting fat.
Thank goodness it doesn't matter to kids as much as adults!
Friday, August 21, 2009
I Love Cold Cereal!
Ever have one of those days where you know you didn't get enough sleep, but you're so stir-crazy you want to do something anyway? You go through the morning routine, get the kids dressed, clean up the wet sheets from yet another leaky diaper, and try to decide what you're going to do that day?
Then you step on one of your kids toys, mess up your foot, and it's a moot point?
Yeah, this is one of those days.
No, there's nothing majorly wrong with my foot, it's just kinda bruised. But still, it put a lid on my running any errands today. Which is hard because I have some documents to take to the school before Esther starts in a week, I have checks to deposit, I have to get a refund from the city for my Farmer's Market fee (long story short, people in my neighborhood don't pay because it borders the host park), I have to find a cover for the couch before the girls destroy it...
Lots of stuff to do.
And that is why I love cold cereal.
Yeah, I've read all the research comparing its nutritional value to soggy cardboard. If that were the case, I would have starved years ago. Some days, you just don't want to cook, you're too tired to care, and the kids couldn't care less what you feed them. Throw a banana in the mix, and voila, instant healthy breakfast!
It's hard not to feel guilty when I don't cook, but when you are pregnant and tired, or had a full day and you're tired, or you're just plain tired, nothing beats a bowl of good old fashioned cereal. Heck, it even tastes better if someone else gets it for you! How is that for the height of laziness?
But does that really matter? In the long run, who is going to care that you took a day off and ate cold cereal for three meals? I mean, it could be worse! You could have eaten three big bowls of ice cream! Or cake! Or polished off that last handful of cookies from the bottom of the jar, because you know you couldn't let them go stale!
Some days, it just doesn't matter. You have to let go, and let yourself have a day off. If you're hurt, that goes double. The next day, you'll be hating yourself for the work you put off, but you'll be thanking yourself that all the mess you created in the kitchen was a few stray cereal pieces on the floor, and bowls in the sink. Toss them in the washer, a few quick swipes of the broom, and you're done! We all know that the kitchen is the one room in the house where we spend the most time. And why? Because of all the work! Making meals, eating meals, cleaning up after meals, putting away groceries, pet food on the floor...you know what I mean. It is the messiest room in the house. Why add to it, when you really just can't take it anymore?
You could just eat out. Yes, that is true. But what is less stressful-eating a bowl of cereal at home, or dragging your kids out the door to sit while someone else does the cooking, you hope in sanitary conditions, and you try to maintain your sanity when your kids are done half an hour before you and spend that time making a huge mess on the floor and/or screaming their lungs out? I don't know about you, but getting the proverbial evil eye from the other diners is not my idea of fun.
My kids are actually pretty good when we eat out. But boy do they make a mess. And if there are no crayons, whoa, air-raid siren in progress!
Cold cereal. You can't beat it! Oh, and for the record, my favorites are........
Nope, not gonna go there! Sorry, but I don't feel like getting hit up for product endorsements. Besides, my favorites change with my mood. That is to say, every five minutes.
Just get yourself a bowl, and relax. The filet mignon will still be there tomorrow.
Then you step on one of your kids toys, mess up your foot, and it's a moot point?
Yeah, this is one of those days.
No, there's nothing majorly wrong with my foot, it's just kinda bruised. But still, it put a lid on my running any errands today. Which is hard because I have some documents to take to the school before Esther starts in a week, I have checks to deposit, I have to get a refund from the city for my Farmer's Market fee (long story short, people in my neighborhood don't pay because it borders the host park), I have to find a cover for the couch before the girls destroy it...
Lots of stuff to do.
And that is why I love cold cereal.
Yeah, I've read all the research comparing its nutritional value to soggy cardboard. If that were the case, I would have starved years ago. Some days, you just don't want to cook, you're too tired to care, and the kids couldn't care less what you feed them. Throw a banana in the mix, and voila, instant healthy breakfast!
It's hard not to feel guilty when I don't cook, but when you are pregnant and tired, or had a full day and you're tired, or you're just plain tired, nothing beats a bowl of good old fashioned cereal. Heck, it even tastes better if someone else gets it for you! How is that for the height of laziness?
But does that really matter? In the long run, who is going to care that you took a day off and ate cold cereal for three meals? I mean, it could be worse! You could have eaten three big bowls of ice cream! Or cake! Or polished off that last handful of cookies from the bottom of the jar, because you know you couldn't let them go stale!
Some days, it just doesn't matter. You have to let go, and let yourself have a day off. If you're hurt, that goes double. The next day, you'll be hating yourself for the work you put off, but you'll be thanking yourself that all the mess you created in the kitchen was a few stray cereal pieces on the floor, and bowls in the sink. Toss them in the washer, a few quick swipes of the broom, and you're done! We all know that the kitchen is the one room in the house where we spend the most time. And why? Because of all the work! Making meals, eating meals, cleaning up after meals, putting away groceries, pet food on the floor...you know what I mean. It is the messiest room in the house. Why add to it, when you really just can't take it anymore?
You could just eat out. Yes, that is true. But what is less stressful-eating a bowl of cereal at home, or dragging your kids out the door to sit while someone else does the cooking, you hope in sanitary conditions, and you try to maintain your sanity when your kids are done half an hour before you and spend that time making a huge mess on the floor and/or screaming their lungs out? I don't know about you, but getting the proverbial evil eye from the other diners is not my idea of fun.
My kids are actually pretty good when we eat out. But boy do they make a mess. And if there are no crayons, whoa, air-raid siren in progress!
Cold cereal. You can't beat it! Oh, and for the record, my favorites are........
Nope, not gonna go there! Sorry, but I don't feel like getting hit up for product endorsements. Besides, my favorites change with my mood. That is to say, every five minutes.
Just get yourself a bowl, and relax. The filet mignon will still be there tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I Forgot...
Quick note, for those of you who haven't heard, we had the ultrasound. And...those pink jammies I had so neatly packed away get to be unpacked again.
Yup, it's a girl!
What happened to James? No idea. Maybe up in the spirit world one of his sisters got impatient and shoved her way to the front of the line! Or maybe this little one was supposed to go elsewhere, but didn't, for whatever reason, so the Lord decided to change the lineup a bit and send her to us. Who knows?
Anyway, we've got another little girl coming to us. Tentatively, we like the name Rebecca. We have a list of names we're considering, we'll wait until she is born to decide. I'll look into her little face and ask myself "What name suits this little person?" I also have to figure out if Becky is a name that suits a soccer player, because she's kicking the ever-lovin' crud outta me! She is going to be an active kid!
And James? Well, he'll come in the Lord's own due time, I'm sure.
Yup, it's a girl!
What happened to James? No idea. Maybe up in the spirit world one of his sisters got impatient and shoved her way to the front of the line! Or maybe this little one was supposed to go elsewhere, but didn't, for whatever reason, so the Lord decided to change the lineup a bit and send her to us. Who knows?
Anyway, we've got another little girl coming to us. Tentatively, we like the name Rebecca. We have a list of names we're considering, we'll wait until she is born to decide. I'll look into her little face and ask myself "What name suits this little person?" I also have to figure out if Becky is a name that suits a soccer player, because she's kicking the ever-lovin' crud outta me! She is going to be an active kid!
And James? Well, he'll come in the Lord's own due time, I'm sure.
When Laundry Attacks....
C'mon. No way. There is no way those pitifully small piles can have come from three whole loads of laundry.
Oh, wait, I'm dealing with baby clothes! Silly me.
Sigh. Getting caught up on laundry is trickier than it looks. There is so much to sort, and of course I have to wrack my poor preggie brain to recall which of the girls clothes they've grown out of, which shirts are too small for Esther and should now go to Taea, which jammies need repair before going back in the drawer, etc. It's a never ending process, because...well, we're always wearing clothes! Just when you think it's all done, it's not done.
Well, it could be worse. I could spend a whole day bent over a washtub, scrubbing my brains out, with lye soap that burns the skin away as much as the stains!
It's a day for waxing philosophical. Truth be told, I don't have much energy for anything else. I am attempting another day without meds, to see if my body has FINALLY overcome the nausea enough to not need them. Peanut butter sandwiches, and lots of fruit salad. Good summer faire, eh?
How could my life be different? I've had a lot of dreams lately about living in a bigger, nicer home. I hope it will truly come to pass someday. This one just ain't gonna cut it! It has been a good start, better than an apartment, but it will be so crowded this winter with three kids!
I could have an abusive hubby. I could have a guy that makes six digits a year, but totally ignores me. I could have a guy who worships the ground I walk on. Wait, I do!
Life is such a funny thing. We're always looking for that next bigger thing, that next better thing. We fail to recognize the good things we already have. I could be living in Kabul right now, terrified of having a bomb dropped on me, or having my husband killed, or my girls getting acid thrown on them just for not being dressed "properly". Life could be so much worse.
Does that make it bad to aspire to something more? No, not really. But when getting more becomes the focus of your life, instead of one goal out of many, THEN it is bad. We really need to step back and be grateful for what we have.
My friend's husband just lost his job. They are facing homelessness. Things like that, things that hit close to home, REALLY make you have perspective on life! As much as I want Jeff to make enough for us to have a better place, I'll settle for just having a roof over my head.
Yeah, when laundry attacks, it gives you time to think. Be thankful for laundry. At least you had something to wear today.
Oh, wait, I'm dealing with baby clothes! Silly me.
Sigh. Getting caught up on laundry is trickier than it looks. There is so much to sort, and of course I have to wrack my poor preggie brain to recall which of the girls clothes they've grown out of, which shirts are too small for Esther and should now go to Taea, which jammies need repair before going back in the drawer, etc. It's a never ending process, because...well, we're always wearing clothes! Just when you think it's all done, it's not done.
Well, it could be worse. I could spend a whole day bent over a washtub, scrubbing my brains out, with lye soap that burns the skin away as much as the stains!
It's a day for waxing philosophical. Truth be told, I don't have much energy for anything else. I am attempting another day without meds, to see if my body has FINALLY overcome the nausea enough to not need them. Peanut butter sandwiches, and lots of fruit salad. Good summer faire, eh?
How could my life be different? I've had a lot of dreams lately about living in a bigger, nicer home. I hope it will truly come to pass someday. This one just ain't gonna cut it! It has been a good start, better than an apartment, but it will be so crowded this winter with three kids!
I could have an abusive hubby. I could have a guy that makes six digits a year, but totally ignores me. I could have a guy who worships the ground I walk on. Wait, I do!
Life is such a funny thing. We're always looking for that next bigger thing, that next better thing. We fail to recognize the good things we already have. I could be living in Kabul right now, terrified of having a bomb dropped on me, or having my husband killed, or my girls getting acid thrown on them just for not being dressed "properly". Life could be so much worse.
Does that make it bad to aspire to something more? No, not really. But when getting more becomes the focus of your life, instead of one goal out of many, THEN it is bad. We really need to step back and be grateful for what we have.
My friend's husband just lost his job. They are facing homelessness. Things like that, things that hit close to home, REALLY make you have perspective on life! As much as I want Jeff to make enough for us to have a better place, I'll settle for just having a roof over my head.
Yeah, when laundry attacks, it gives you time to think. Be thankful for laundry. At least you had something to wear today.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Time Management equals Stress Management
Ah, the joys of finding things you once thought were lost...yes, that's right, I FOUND THE DING-DANG SEWING MACHINE CORD! The cord was black, and it was tucked in a black rubber bin, so it blended perfectly. The only reason I found it is because I nearly tangled in it when I went to put the step-stool away. I brushed up against the cords, looked up, spotted the very distinctive plug that goes into the machine itself, and just about when nuts! Then, my dear sweet hubby was kind enough to haul the 400+ pound cabinet forward far enough to get everything plugged in, so I am ready to sew!
So now I have a choice. Do I honor his labor and start sewing immediately? I have some absolutely darling baby patterns for rompers and buntings and really cute stuff. Or do I get started on the blessing afghan I've been promising to make for the new baby (who is due in December). He found the yarn for that on Saturday. Notice how a lot of my progress in ANYTHING is tied to his presence???
Or do I get going on the ragdolls that he bought me the cutting mat for? Or maybe all three? Nothing says I can't do three things at once. I'm a woman! I can do sewing stuff in the office when the girls are up, and crochet in the living room when they're asleep.
Hmm...so many choices. So much cuteness to be discovered! I need to invite some friends over for a sew/crochet party or something!
Okay, calm down girl!
Notice something? I am so very very excited about all of this. And yet...what does it mean for me? Additional things to occupy my free time, which is rare as it is.
That is something of a segue into my third posting on how to survive as a mommy. Unnecessary stuff cluttering up our time.
Now, granted, the items I have mentioned are not bad in and of themselves. The dolls are meant to be income items, to be sold at the Farmer's Market. The baby clothes are for my little boy, who, at this point, doesn't have a whole lot of clothes yet. At least, not clothes that aren't pink, purple, and very girly. And the afghan is something of a tradition for me. Each of my kids so far has had a special blanket for their blessing. Esther had one from her step-grandma. Taea had one I made years ago for my hope chest.
Still, they are all very time-consuming projects. They could consume ME if I let them.
Then there is the fact that I have been given three different book series, and I haven't started on any of them. I know, those of you who know me are gasping in shock right now. My library rivals that of any school in the state in size. But still, I learned a very important lesson about books. They tend to envelope you to the point that EVERYTHING else gets neglected until you finish the very last sentence of the very last page of the very last book. Granted, I am a fast reader, but we're still talking at least two weeks of reading material here!
No, I am saving the books for this winter, when I am too fat to get up and do anything else.
So where am I going with this?
A lot of SAHM's who are frustrated with their lives mention they just don't have time for themselves. You're right, you don't. Your time belongs to everyone else, 24/7/365. And why? Because you let it.
Now, before you lynch me, no I am not blaming you. There are a lot of good things in the world for us to do. Good, necessary, important stuff, like feeding and clothing our kids. And for those of use who were raised with an "idle hands are the devil's workshop" mentality, it is practically impossible to sit still. I was raised by a woman with Great Depression parents, and it is so interesting to watch her sometimes. She is virtually incapable of sitting still. If she isn't actively doing something while she is watching TV, she has a notebook in her hands, learning something from the stock gurus on the various business channels. It is rare for her to watch an entire recreational movie from beginning to end.
And what does that do? Well, it tends to make your life so noisy, you end up constantly pent up and frustrated. Lately, due to lifelong arthritis and such, she has been forced to slow down. I have actually seen her on the couch, once or twice, not doing anything! But not because she wants to. Because she has to.
Is that what us young mothers want to come to? Work ourselves so hard with this, that, and the other that we end up with no life left in us by the time the kids are grown and gone?
It is time to prioritize, ladies. It is time for us to determine what is truly important. We need to find time in our day, even if it is just five minutes, to just sit down, relax, and be quiet. No radio, no TV, no books, nothing. Just relax, let your brain unwind, and be still.
Have you ever done archery? Have you ever seen what happens to a bowstring when it is constantly wound up tight? Over time, it tends to stretch and lose its spring. In rare cases, I've seen overwound bowstrings snap. I don't know about you, but if I were to snap, it would not be pretty. My family would be emotionally scarred for life.
We need time to ourselves. Yes, I've mentioned it is good for us to have hobbies, but hobbying and relaxing should be different things. If you find it is impossible for you to actually sit still during your relaxation, try taking up a meditative activity, like yoga. Such things are focused on helping the body be calm and flexible. Slow, easy movements can help to get you back into a focused rhythm that will help the rest of your day go so much easier. Do I speak from experience? No, I am about as flexible as a statue. I've never been able to touch my toes. But I do like stretching. I understand the concept. You have to take the time to let your mind and body quiet. I do feel much better and quieter after simple stretching. Frankly, stretching is good anyway because it can make us more nimble and less prone to injury.
Some of you are undoubtedly saying "but I just don't have the time until evening after the kids are in bed, and then I'm too tired." That's perfect. The best time for your body to be at peace is right before bed. My brain has the annoying habit of going a thousand miles a minutes before I go to bed, so it takes me forever just to get to sleep.
Experts have suggested a variety of sleep helps. Relaxation is definitely one of them. After you get the kitchen cleaned, toys picked up, lunches made for school and work, and throw in a load of wash, just sit down. Relax. TV is not the best idea. The rapid-fire images and light will actually make you more pent up than before you sat down!
Play some relaxing music if you must. Something without words, something soothing. Sit back, try some stretching or yoga, and just let the stress of the day unwind. Even if you only do this for fifteen minutes or so, I think you'll find you have a much easier time getting to sleep, and that is key to recharging your body and mind for the next day. If you find that you can't turn your brain off, keep a notepad by the bed so you can write down things to do the next day, or reminders of things that need to be taken care of. Write them down, then let them go so you can sleep.
Once you work out a pattern of evening relaxation, try to find a point during the daytime hours when you can do the same thing. Right after babies go down for nap, or when they're involved in quiet activity, or anytime you can leave them for a few minutes. Just find a quiet spot, sit back, and just relax. If the kids intrude, explain that mommy is resting for a minute, and they need to go do something else. Stick to your guns on this. You kids WILL survive five minutes without you. After a while, they will get used to the idea. And I think they will like a relaxed mommy much better than a keyed-up, stressed out one.
If you have to eliminate something on your to-do list, do it! Remember the crafts I mentioned earlier? If my sanity is hanging by a thread, the last thing I need to do is add another project to my list. Just let something go, something trivial, even something that can just plain wait. I think you'll actually be surprised by how much you get done when you have a new, relaxed state of mind. Admit it, you know you function better when you're in a good mood than when you're stressed. Stress causes your brain to fuzz. You're much more likely to make dumb mistakes, or forget something, which just causes you extra work. Taking the five minutes to calm down could save you hours of work undoing your mistakes later!! Ever had to rewash a load of dishes or clothes because you forgot the soap? (Me!)
Mommyhood is about much more than just survival, ladies! It's about surviving with our wits and our health as intact as possible. It's time to take back our time, spend some time on ourselves, and refill our depleted energy reservoirs as much as possible. We've all heard the studies. It is impossible for us to do our best for our families when we are completely exhausted. Don't feel guilty about the time you take for yourself, because it is as much for them as it is for us. To be the best mommy you can, you have to feel your best.
Hang in there!
So now I have a choice. Do I honor his labor and start sewing immediately? I have some absolutely darling baby patterns for rompers and buntings and really cute stuff. Or do I get started on the blessing afghan I've been promising to make for the new baby (who is due in December). He found the yarn for that on Saturday. Notice how a lot of my progress in ANYTHING is tied to his presence???
Or do I get going on the ragdolls that he bought me the cutting mat for? Or maybe all three? Nothing says I can't do three things at once. I'm a woman! I can do sewing stuff in the office when the girls are up, and crochet in the living room when they're asleep.
Hmm...so many choices. So much cuteness to be discovered! I need to invite some friends over for a sew/crochet party or something!
Notice something? I am so very very excited about all of this. And yet...what does it mean for me? Additional things to occupy my free time, which is rare as it is.
That is something of a segue into my third posting on how to survive as a mommy. Unnecessary stuff cluttering up our time.
Now, granted, the items I have mentioned are not bad in and of themselves. The dolls are meant to be income items, to be sold at the Farmer's Market. The baby clothes are for my little boy, who, at this point, doesn't have a whole lot of clothes yet. At least, not clothes that aren't pink, purple, and very girly. And the afghan is something of a tradition for me. Each of my kids so far has had a special blanket for their blessing. Esther had one from her step-grandma. Taea had one I made years ago for my hope chest.
Still, they are all very time-consuming projects. They could consume ME if I let them.
Then there is the fact that I have been given three different book series, and I haven't started on any of them. I know, those of you who know me are gasping in shock right now. My library rivals that of any school in the state in size. But still, I learned a very important lesson about books. They tend to envelope you to the point that EVERYTHING else gets neglected until you finish the very last sentence of the very last page of the very last book. Granted, I am a fast reader, but we're still talking at least two weeks of reading material here!
No, I am saving the books for this winter, when I am too fat to get up and do anything else.
So where am I going with this?
A lot of SAHM's who are frustrated with their lives mention they just don't have time for themselves. You're right, you don't. Your time belongs to everyone else, 24/7/365. And why? Because you let it.
Now, before you lynch me, no I am not blaming you. There are a lot of good things in the world for us to do. Good, necessary, important stuff, like feeding and clothing our kids. And for those of use who were raised with an "idle hands are the devil's workshop" mentality, it is practically impossible to sit still. I was raised by a woman with Great Depression parents, and it is so interesting to watch her sometimes. She is virtually incapable of sitting still. If she isn't actively doing something while she is watching TV, she has a notebook in her hands, learning something from the stock gurus on the various business channels. It is rare for her to watch an entire recreational movie from beginning to end.
And what does that do? Well, it tends to make your life so noisy, you end up constantly pent up and frustrated. Lately, due to lifelong arthritis and such, she has been forced to slow down. I have actually seen her on the couch, once or twice, not doing anything! But not because she wants to. Because she has to.
Is that what us young mothers want to come to? Work ourselves so hard with this, that, and the other that we end up with no life left in us by the time the kids are grown and gone?
It is time to prioritize, ladies. It is time for us to determine what is truly important. We need to find time in our day, even if it is just five minutes, to just sit down, relax, and be quiet. No radio, no TV, no books, nothing. Just relax, let your brain unwind, and be still.
Have you ever done archery? Have you ever seen what happens to a bowstring when it is constantly wound up tight? Over time, it tends to stretch and lose its spring. In rare cases, I've seen overwound bowstrings snap. I don't know about you, but if I were to snap, it would not be pretty. My family would be emotionally scarred for life.
We need time to ourselves. Yes, I've mentioned it is good for us to have hobbies, but hobbying and relaxing should be different things. If you find it is impossible for you to actually sit still during your relaxation, try taking up a meditative activity, like yoga. Such things are focused on helping the body be calm and flexible. Slow, easy movements can help to get you back into a focused rhythm that will help the rest of your day go so much easier. Do I speak from experience? No, I am about as flexible as a statue. I've never been able to touch my toes. But I do like stretching. I understand the concept. You have to take the time to let your mind and body quiet. I do feel much better and quieter after simple stretching. Frankly, stretching is good anyway because it can make us more nimble and less prone to injury.
Some of you are undoubtedly saying "but I just don't have the time until evening after the kids are in bed, and then I'm too tired." That's perfect. The best time for your body to be at peace is right before bed. My brain has the annoying habit of going a thousand miles a minutes before I go to bed, so it takes me forever just to get to sleep.
Experts have suggested a variety of sleep helps. Relaxation is definitely one of them. After you get the kitchen cleaned, toys picked up, lunches made for school and work, and throw in a load of wash, just sit down. Relax. TV is not the best idea. The rapid-fire images and light will actually make you more pent up than before you sat down!
Play some relaxing music if you must. Something without words, something soothing. Sit back, try some stretching or yoga, and just let the stress of the day unwind. Even if you only do this for fifteen minutes or so, I think you'll find you have a much easier time getting to sleep, and that is key to recharging your body and mind for the next day. If you find that you can't turn your brain off, keep a notepad by the bed so you can write down things to do the next day, or reminders of things that need to be taken care of. Write them down, then let them go so you can sleep.
Once you work out a pattern of evening relaxation, try to find a point during the daytime hours when you can do the same thing. Right after babies go down for nap, or when they're involved in quiet activity, or anytime you can leave them for a few minutes. Just find a quiet spot, sit back, and just relax. If the kids intrude, explain that mommy is resting for a minute, and they need to go do something else. Stick to your guns on this. You kids WILL survive five minutes without you. After a while, they will get used to the idea. And I think they will like a relaxed mommy much better than a keyed-up, stressed out one.
If you have to eliminate something on your to-do list, do it! Remember the crafts I mentioned earlier? If my sanity is hanging by a thread, the last thing I need to do is add another project to my list. Just let something go, something trivial, even something that can just plain wait. I think you'll actually be surprised by how much you get done when you have a new, relaxed state of mind. Admit it, you know you function better when you're in a good mood than when you're stressed. Stress causes your brain to fuzz. You're much more likely to make dumb mistakes, or forget something, which just causes you extra work. Taking the five minutes to calm down could save you hours of work undoing your mistakes later!! Ever had to rewash a load of dishes or clothes because you forgot the soap? (Me!)
Mommyhood is about much more than just survival, ladies! It's about surviving with our wits and our health as intact as possible. It's time to take back our time, spend some time on ourselves, and refill our depleted energy reservoirs as much as possible. We've all heard the studies. It is impossible for us to do our best for our families when we are completely exhausted. Don't feel guilty about the time you take for yourself, because it is as much for them as it is for us. To be the best mommy you can, you have to feel your best.
Hang in there!
Monday, August 10, 2009
The sacred storage bin spawning grounds
Junk. Stuff. Kitsch. Knick-knacks. Old paperwork. Toys. Tools. Winter Clothes.
Holy cow, where is all this crap coming from??
Our stuff HAS to be spawning. There is no possible way we could have this much stuff! True, a lot of it is craft stuff. And true, we did inherit my father-in-law's stuff when he passed away. Now there is a true packrat! The guy kept every pair of glasses he ever owned. Which wasn't entirely a bad thing. We donated them to a program that takes used glasses to the poor in third-world countries.
But still....so much stuff!
I guess this is supposed to be a rough segue into my next article on how to be a SAHM without totally losing it. Keeping your stuff from swallowing you and your family whole. Remember the scene in Aladdin where the sands of the hourglass are burying Jasmine? Yeah, that's how I feel some days!
I've heard all the professional organizers' advice. I watched the organization shows on HGTV. The general rule? If you haven't used it for six months, and it isn't a seasonal item, THROW IT OUT! Donate it to charity. Whatever, just get rid of it.
Okay, well, for those without a sentimental bone in their body, that works. In my case...well, I haven't actually "used" my antique china doll for six months. I'm the fifth generation to own it. I'm not going to throw out an antique! Or the antique jewelry boxes my grandmother gave me. Or the oodles of journals Jeff's father left us. Some stuff is important!
But what the heck do you do with it? How do you tell the difference between items with genuine sentimental value and stuff that is just plain junk?
First of all, the glasses weren't the weirdest thing that he ever kept. He also kept old shavers, I guess in hopes that he could "fix" them. I mean the electric kind. We found three different electronic stud finders, each with some kind of malfunction. Why...?
I don't know if we'll ever know! That is the kind of stuff you throw out. Be totally and brutally honest with yourself. What is the likelihood that you'll ever get around to fixing it? Granted, if you are one of those people that can take a toaster apart and put it back together without batting an eye, then yes, maybe someday you'll be able to fix it.
If not...you know what to do. Throw it out. Recycle it. If we're not talking about a hygeine product, and it is an item that is still useful, donate it to charity.
Okay, that takes care of "stuff". I think you are smart enough to tell whether something truly has sentimental value, or whether it is just junk that a relative happened to pass on to you. Only you can tell, but be honest with yourself. If it isn't something you would use or display, and no one else in the family is interested, just get rid of it. Too much stuff tends to be like a giant weight around your neck. And besides, who wants to waste money on a storage space for stuff that you will, in all honesty, NEVER use?
Now, what about paperwork? This tends to tread into territory that involves legalities. I do not pretend to be a legal expert, nor will I ever be one, so any advice I give here is strictly my personal rule, and not intended to be a substitute for a good conversation with a lawyer or financial planner.
Generally, if it is paperwork for an account that is closed, is more than five years old, and has nothing to do with your taxes, shred it. Get rid of it. I know people who have kept their old checkbook NCR copies for checking accounts from 30 years ago. Unless you've got something in those old stubs that you wrote off on your taxes, what is the point? All that paper does is attract mice, bugs, and storage space fees.
Now, if you want to play it safe, go buy a scanner and scan all those old statements onto a DVD. Scanners are relatively cheap, easy to use, and there is nothing that says it has to take up precious hard drive space. Just burn it to a CD or DVD, and keep it in a safe place. Most document folders can be backed up to just a few discs, and that is something that will fit in most safe-deposit boxes. Besides, backing up your hard drive is a good idea anyway. Hardware doesn't last forever, and you don't want to lose all those family photos you just spent three months scanning in.
Clothing. This is an even harder one, especially for those of use whose weight tends to...um...shall we say...fluctuate? Yes, I am pregnant, I have an excuse, but I have always been a touch on the "fluffy" side. So what do you do with all those old clothes from high school you always swore you would fit into again?
Well, you know fashion. Things never stay in style for very long. Even timeless things like jeans can only last so long in a rubber bin before the aforementioned mice/bugs get to them. (Yes, even in a bin!) And besides, let's face it ladies. After three kids, what is the likelihood you'll ever be able to stuff your mommy hips into those size 2 jeans again?
Then there is the fact that the fashion industry keeps changing size guidelines. Size 2 these days is not what size 2 was ten years ago. Heck, size 2 for one designer isn't even the same as for another designer!
So what do you do? Yes, you'll have some stuff you want to store because you don't want your cashmere sweaters taking up space in July when you have perfectly good sundresses to hang in that spot. Buy some space bags, find a few shelves in the basement or garage that are away from the door or windows, up off the floor, and put them there. Winter coats, gloves, hats, scarves...anything you don't currently have room for, put away.
Then, when winter comes, you take those nice sundresses and pack them away in the same bags. Put your winter stuff in the closet. Just swap them out.
If the clothes don't fit, and they're more than 2 sizes away from your current size, and they're not maternity clothes, just get rid of them. I'm sure the local Goodwill, DI, or Salvation Army will be glad for the donations, especially in these tough times. People are barely skrimping by, and it will be a big boost to those who actually need those items. They're not doing you any good in the garage, so they might as well cover someone else's shivering bod! Frankly, that rule could go for just about anything you sort. If it isn't doing you any good, and someone else could use it, get rid of it!
If you still have the dress you wore to prom, and you just can't part with it, then fine. Remember our discussion about sentimental value? Just don't go overboard. Letter sweaters, old band or choir t-shirts, football/basketball jerseys--stuff that is part of your personal history are okay. I would give yourself a single bin for such clothing mementos. Anything beyond that, get rid of. (Oh, that limit does not apply to wedding dresses. I mean, c'mon, they're a box unto themselves!)
Hmm, so what is left? Well, when we bought our house, there were a lot of old tools, fertilizer, and other gardening stuff left in the garage from the previous owner. Some of it is useful, a lot of it was redundant. Anyone who has owned a home for a while knows what I'm talking about. You can't find the rake, so you buy another one. Soon, you have five of them. Now what??
Well, if you have a large yard, and older kids, it is a good idea to have more than one shovel, more than one rake. But you probably don't need five. See if your local secondhand shop takes stuff like that. If not, see if there is a young family in the neighborhood that needs yard tools. Donate them to the scouts. Turn it into a lawn ornament. Whatever. Just don't let it take up space in the garage!
Here's another general rule for stuff like that. If it is broken, throw it out. I don't care how well-intentioned you are about fixing an item, if you haven't bought a replacement pole for that push-broom head, and it has been sitting in the garage for more than a month, chances are it will never get fixed. Toss it.
Now there are dozens of other categories we could touch on. Art supplies (guilty grin), kid stuff, toys, etc. But I think you get the idea. Be totally honest, determine whether an item truly has value, or whether the space is worth more than the item. And don't worry about whether Great-Auntie Ethel will freak about you tossing out her old stained damask tablecloth. I highly doubt it will cause a family feud. And if it does...let's be honest people. That implies majorly screwed-up priorities! Just be honest and tell her you weren't using it and you needed the space. If it was an item of major sentimental value, she shouldn't have given it away in the first place!
Yes, once again, I'm the pot calling the kettle black. But I'm trying! Our garage looks better now than it has all summer, and I have the boxes prioritized as to what needs to be sorted first. It is a start. The key is to get started. A box a week. Bring it in to your table, set yourself down, and just do it. Do it again next week. Before you know it, you'll have found that darn missing SEWING MACHINE PEDAL, and everything else you thought had been lost/stolen eons ago. The stuff you truly value will finally have a place, and you'll have more peace in your heart and your home.
And you'll be investing less in mousetraps!
Holy cow, where is all this crap coming from??
Our stuff HAS to be spawning. There is no possible way we could have this much stuff! True, a lot of it is craft stuff. And true, we did inherit my father-in-law's stuff when he passed away. Now there is a true packrat! The guy kept every pair of glasses he ever owned. Which wasn't entirely a bad thing. We donated them to a program that takes used glasses to the poor in third-world countries.
But still....so much stuff!
I guess this is supposed to be a rough segue into my next article on how to be a SAHM without totally losing it. Keeping your stuff from swallowing you and your family whole. Remember the scene in Aladdin where the sands of the hourglass are burying Jasmine? Yeah, that's how I feel some days!
I've heard all the professional organizers' advice. I watched the organization shows on HGTV. The general rule? If you haven't used it for six months, and it isn't a seasonal item, THROW IT OUT! Donate it to charity. Whatever, just get rid of it.
Okay, well, for those without a sentimental bone in their body, that works. In my case...well, I haven't actually "used" my antique china doll for six months. I'm the fifth generation to own it. I'm not going to throw out an antique! Or the antique jewelry boxes my grandmother gave me. Or the oodles of journals Jeff's father left us. Some stuff is important!
But what the heck do you do with it? How do you tell the difference between items with genuine sentimental value and stuff that is just plain junk?
First of all, the glasses weren't the weirdest thing that he ever kept. He also kept old shavers, I guess in hopes that he could "fix" them. I mean the electric kind. We found three different electronic stud finders, each with some kind of malfunction. Why...?
I don't know if we'll ever know! That is the kind of stuff you throw out. Be totally and brutally honest with yourself. What is the likelihood that you'll ever get around to fixing it? Granted, if you are one of those people that can take a toaster apart and put it back together without batting an eye, then yes, maybe someday you'll be able to fix it.
If not...you know what to do. Throw it out. Recycle it. If we're not talking about a hygeine product, and it is an item that is still useful, donate it to charity.
Okay, that takes care of "stuff". I think you are smart enough to tell whether something truly has sentimental value, or whether it is just junk that a relative happened to pass on to you. Only you can tell, but be honest with yourself. If it isn't something you would use or display, and no one else in the family is interested, just get rid of it. Too much stuff tends to be like a giant weight around your neck. And besides, who wants to waste money on a storage space for stuff that you will, in all honesty, NEVER use?
Now, what about paperwork? This tends to tread into territory that involves legalities. I do not pretend to be a legal expert, nor will I ever be one, so any advice I give here is strictly my personal rule, and not intended to be a substitute for a good conversation with a lawyer or financial planner.
Generally, if it is paperwork for an account that is closed, is more than five years old, and has nothing to do with your taxes, shred it. Get rid of it. I know people who have kept their old checkbook NCR copies for checking accounts from 30 years ago. Unless you've got something in those old stubs that you wrote off on your taxes, what is the point? All that paper does is attract mice, bugs, and storage space fees.
Now, if you want to play it safe, go buy a scanner and scan all those old statements onto a DVD. Scanners are relatively cheap, easy to use, and there is nothing that says it has to take up precious hard drive space. Just burn it to a CD or DVD, and keep it in a safe place. Most document folders can be backed up to just a few discs, and that is something that will fit in most safe-deposit boxes. Besides, backing up your hard drive is a good idea anyway. Hardware doesn't last forever, and you don't want to lose all those family photos you just spent three months scanning in.
Clothing. This is an even harder one, especially for those of use whose weight tends to...um...shall we say...fluctuate? Yes, I am pregnant, I have an excuse, but I have always been a touch on the "fluffy" side. So what do you do with all those old clothes from high school you always swore you would fit into again?
Well, you know fashion. Things never stay in style for very long. Even timeless things like jeans can only last so long in a rubber bin before the aforementioned mice/bugs get to them. (Yes, even in a bin!) And besides, let's face it ladies. After three kids, what is the likelihood you'll ever be able to stuff your mommy hips into those size 2 jeans again?
Then there is the fact that the fashion industry keeps changing size guidelines. Size 2 these days is not what size 2 was ten years ago. Heck, size 2 for one designer isn't even the same as for another designer!
So what do you do? Yes, you'll have some stuff you want to store because you don't want your cashmere sweaters taking up space in July when you have perfectly good sundresses to hang in that spot. Buy some space bags, find a few shelves in the basement or garage that are away from the door or windows, up off the floor, and put them there. Winter coats, gloves, hats, scarves...anything you don't currently have room for, put away.
Then, when winter comes, you take those nice sundresses and pack them away in the same bags. Put your winter stuff in the closet. Just swap them out.
If the clothes don't fit, and they're more than 2 sizes away from your current size, and they're not maternity clothes, just get rid of them. I'm sure the local Goodwill, DI, or Salvation Army will be glad for the donations, especially in these tough times. People are barely skrimping by, and it will be a big boost to those who actually need those items. They're not doing you any good in the garage, so they might as well cover someone else's shivering bod! Frankly, that rule could go for just about anything you sort. If it isn't doing you any good, and someone else could use it, get rid of it!
If you still have the dress you wore to prom, and you just can't part with it, then fine. Remember our discussion about sentimental value? Just don't go overboard. Letter sweaters, old band or choir t-shirts, football/basketball jerseys--stuff that is part of your personal history are okay. I would give yourself a single bin for such clothing mementos. Anything beyond that, get rid of. (Oh, that limit does not apply to wedding dresses. I mean, c'mon, they're a box unto themselves!)
Hmm, so what is left? Well, when we bought our house, there were a lot of old tools, fertilizer, and other gardening stuff left in the garage from the previous owner. Some of it is useful, a lot of it was redundant. Anyone who has owned a home for a while knows what I'm talking about. You can't find the rake, so you buy another one. Soon, you have five of them. Now what??
Well, if you have a large yard, and older kids, it is a good idea to have more than one shovel, more than one rake. But you probably don't need five. See if your local secondhand shop takes stuff like that. If not, see if there is a young family in the neighborhood that needs yard tools. Donate them to the scouts. Turn it into a lawn ornament. Whatever. Just don't let it take up space in the garage!
Here's another general rule for stuff like that. If it is broken, throw it out. I don't care how well-intentioned you are about fixing an item, if you haven't bought a replacement pole for that push-broom head, and it has been sitting in the garage for more than a month, chances are it will never get fixed. Toss it.
Now there are dozens of other categories we could touch on. Art supplies (guilty grin), kid stuff, toys, etc. But I think you get the idea. Be totally honest, determine whether an item truly has value, or whether the space is worth more than the item. And don't worry about whether Great-Auntie Ethel will freak about you tossing out her old stained damask tablecloth. I highly doubt it will cause a family feud. And if it does...let's be honest people. That implies majorly screwed-up priorities! Just be honest and tell her you weren't using it and you needed the space. If it was an item of major sentimental value, she shouldn't have given it away in the first place!
And you'll be investing less in mousetraps!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Being a Stay at Home Mom...without losing it
Okay. I know what you're thinking. I've been nutty in my previous posts, talking about the kids driving me crazy. Frankly, I think ANYONE who claims to be completely sane is suspect. But still, it IS possible to be a stay at home mom (SAHM) without going totally nuts.
But how?
I've actually had a lot of conversations with friends and family lately about how hard it is to maintain an identity, and your sanity, when you are subjected to too much Dora, Diego, Wonder Pets, and Wubbzy all day. No idea what I'm talking about? You're lucky!
The shows in and of themselves are not bad. They teach some great stuff, about animals, and helping each other, and not taking yourself too seriously. But when a show repeats its theme music FIFTY FREAKIN' TIMES in ONE episode (only a slight exaggeration), then you've got a problem.
So what do you do? If you have a small place, like an apartment, it's kinda hard to avoid. I'm lucky that I have an office toward the back of a narrow house that keeps me separated from most of the insanity. Trouble is, it also keeps me separated from the kids.
They watch too much TV. I admit it. Since I've been so pregnant and sick, I've actually avoided being in a position where they can tumble on me, like on the couch, for fear that they might squish me a bit too hard and cause....well, you know. It has happened. It is not fun.
I hate being away from them. So what do I do instead?
Well, first of all, I spend way too much time on this evil one-eyed monster. Okay, maybe it's not evil. But it sure is addicting! Surfing the net for news, blogs, weirdness, etc. It's too hot to go outside, there is nowhere else comfortable to sit in the house, and being on my feet too much is just too exhausting.
So in the last few weeks, I've looked for alternatives. Something else to think about besides "okay, which one is stinky this time". It really helps a SAHM, when you do not want or need a career, when you can still have a sense of self. A hobby, or just SOMETHING to make you feel like you are still an adult, still relevant, and can still carry on an intelligent conversation beyond which brand of diaper is best.
I'm signed up to sell at the Farmer's Market. So, what to sell? I was planning on selling jewelry, but there are too many of those kinds of booths already. I had planned on making rag dolls, so this was my next project.
Enter Esther.
She was utterly FASCINATED! When I told her I was cutting out arms and legs, she just gave me this blank look. But when those parts were sewn and I was attaching them to the body, I could see her gears turning as she "got it". She helped me pin and unpin it, I made her responsible for stuffing all the pins back into my pink tomato pincushion. Once the stitching was done, she helped me stuff it. It took forever, hand sewn, because the power cord to my machine is currently MIA.
It was ugly. Ungainly. Totally disproportionate. Vaguely scary. Highly disappointing. Clearly, I had not printed out the pattern correctly. It looked like something that was thrown together from scraps by someone with only a vague idea of what people look like. (which is half true, it was made from scrap fabric)
And she LOVED it!
She wouldn't even let me finish stuffing it before she wanted it. So I gave it to her. Over an hour, with a few bait-and-switch tactics, I managed to get it stuffed. Over the last couple of days, I added eyes, which made it even scarier because the head is too small.
But she loves it. She chose the green eyes. And she won't go to bed without it. She is over the moon about the craziest things.
Inevitably, Taea decided she wanted the dolly too. Being only 20 months, she has no concept of property, so she just took it. Honestly, I think World War 2 started more quietly. So I solved it by working on Test Doll number 2, using different scrap fabric. Still scary, still ungainly, but a bit closer to my final goal.
She loved it.
Hers, unlike Esther's, has no eyes. I didn't want to take the risk of her biting them off and swallowing them. The eyes, by the way, are nothing more than simple buttons sewn on with upholstery thread. But she loves it just the same. Next up: Clothing. They don't seem to notice that their dollies are naked, but eventually, they might. So simple A-line dresses will do.
Test doll number 3 is done, this one I insisted is "mommy's dolly". I gave this one a full face with a.......well, I don't really want to call it a smile. I've never seen anything less like one. This is the scariest of the three, by far. But the proportions are finally right, which is what I was after. This is the test doll for hair, eyes, and the mouth. I have since practiced making smiles on some scrap cloth on an embroidery hoop, and I think I've got it.
ANYWAY, in my quest to find something to get me out of the house, and give me a hobby to help me maintain an identity other than just "Mom", I managed to find a way to connect with Esther. Taea is another story, I don't let her in the office that often because it's too full of glass and pins and other dangerous stuff, but Esther loves to come in, sit on the step stool, and "help" me sew. As I type, I can feel my chair twitch. She's in here now, probably wondering what is so fascinating about this glowing thing that Mommy stares at. But that's all right. When I'm done here, we'll start on Dolly #4, which will be the first doll made out of the actual tea-stained muslin I bought for making the dolls. This oughta be fun.
Oh, and Jeff bought me a cutting mat! That is the number one thing about crafting. If you don't have the right tools, you will either frustrate yourself to no end, or badly damage a great antique. (My mom's sewing cabinet, which she has since given to me) It needs a little refinishing, and some scratch repair here and there, but there is nothing like a quilter's cutting wheel to make your furniture run screaming into the night.
So now I have what I need to solve two problems. A) Maintaining my hobby of creating beautiful works of art, which I love, and B) connecting with my daughters. When the girls are old enough, I will teach them to sew just as my mom taught me. The machine is different, but the setting is the same.
So what can you do to maintain your own sanity? I guess this is more than just a blog post, this is more like a series! Step one, find something, ANYTHING, that is reasonably priced, that you enjoy, and that can be done at home. Reading, writing, painting, it can be anything as long as it is something that you can put away relatively easy. Nothing challenges sanity like walking into a room and finding the crochet project that you worked on for 100+ hours unraveled all over the floor. (Yes, this has happened, although in my case it was a single square that only took two hours, but STILL....) Find something that can help you connect with the kids. As they watch you, their curiosity will bloom, and you will enjoy each other's company a lot more than if you just sat on the couch and watched Dora consult her map for the five trillionth time.
What if your kids prove to have no aptitude for it whatsoever? So what. At least they tried something new. It will only take a few "something new"s for them to find something they enjoy, that you can share, and that they're good at. It's about broadening their world.
And at the same time, you broaden yours. Seriously. You want to maintain sanity? Give yourself something else to think about. You'll be VERY glad you did.
But how?
I've actually had a lot of conversations with friends and family lately about how hard it is to maintain an identity, and your sanity, when you are subjected to too much Dora, Diego, Wonder Pets, and Wubbzy all day. No idea what I'm talking about? You're lucky!
The shows in and of themselves are not bad. They teach some great stuff, about animals, and helping each other, and not taking yourself too seriously. But when a show repeats its theme music FIFTY FREAKIN' TIMES in ONE episode (only a slight exaggeration), then you've got a problem.
So what do you do? If you have a small place, like an apartment, it's kinda hard to avoid. I'm lucky that I have an office toward the back of a narrow house that keeps me separated from most of the insanity. Trouble is, it also keeps me separated from the kids.
They watch too much TV. I admit it. Since I've been so pregnant and sick, I've actually avoided being in a position where they can tumble on me, like on the couch, for fear that they might squish me a bit too hard and cause....well, you know. It has happened. It is not fun.
I hate being away from them. So what do I do instead?
Well, first of all, I spend way too much time on this evil one-eyed monster. Okay, maybe it's not evil. But it sure is addicting! Surfing the net for news, blogs, weirdness, etc. It's too hot to go outside, there is nowhere else comfortable to sit in the house, and being on my feet too much is just too exhausting.
So in the last few weeks, I've looked for alternatives. Something else to think about besides "okay, which one is stinky this time". It really helps a SAHM, when you do not want or need a career, when you can still have a sense of self. A hobby, or just SOMETHING to make you feel like you are still an adult, still relevant, and can still carry on an intelligent conversation beyond which brand of diaper is best.
I'm signed up to sell at the Farmer's Market. So, what to sell? I was planning on selling jewelry, but there are too many of those kinds of booths already. I had planned on making rag dolls, so this was my next project.
Enter Esther.
She was utterly FASCINATED! When I told her I was cutting out arms and legs, she just gave me this blank look. But when those parts were sewn and I was attaching them to the body, I could see her gears turning as she "got it". She helped me pin and unpin it, I made her responsible for stuffing all the pins back into my pink tomato pincushion. Once the stitching was done, she helped me stuff it. It took forever, hand sewn, because the power cord to my machine is currently MIA.
It was ugly. Ungainly. Totally disproportionate. Vaguely scary. Highly disappointing. Clearly, I had not printed out the pattern correctly. It looked like something that was thrown together from scraps by someone with only a vague idea of what people look like. (which is half true, it was made from scrap fabric)
And she LOVED it!
She wouldn't even let me finish stuffing it before she wanted it. So I gave it to her. Over an hour, with a few bait-and-switch tactics, I managed to get it stuffed. Over the last couple of days, I added eyes, which made it even scarier because the head is too small.
But she loves it. She chose the green eyes. And she won't go to bed without it. She is over the moon about the craziest things.
Inevitably, Taea decided she wanted the dolly too. Being only 20 months, she has no concept of property, so she just took it. Honestly, I think World War 2 started more quietly. So I solved it by working on Test Doll number 2, using different scrap fabric. Still scary, still ungainly, but a bit closer to my final goal.
She loved it.
Hers, unlike Esther's, has no eyes. I didn't want to take the risk of her biting them off and swallowing them. The eyes, by the way, are nothing more than simple buttons sewn on with upholstery thread. But she loves it just the same. Next up: Clothing. They don't seem to notice that their dollies are naked, but eventually, they might. So simple A-line dresses will do.
Test doll number 3 is done, this one I insisted is "mommy's dolly". I gave this one a full face with a.......well, I don't really want to call it a smile. I've never seen anything less like one. This is the scariest of the three, by far. But the proportions are finally right, which is what I was after. This is the test doll for hair, eyes, and the mouth. I have since practiced making smiles on some scrap cloth on an embroidery hoop, and I think I've got it.
ANYWAY, in my quest to find something to get me out of the house, and give me a hobby to help me maintain an identity other than just "Mom", I managed to find a way to connect with Esther. Taea is another story, I don't let her in the office that often because it's too full of glass and pins and other dangerous stuff, but Esther loves to come in, sit on the step stool, and "help" me sew. As I type, I can feel my chair twitch. She's in here now, probably wondering what is so fascinating about this glowing thing that Mommy stares at. But that's all right. When I'm done here, we'll start on Dolly #4, which will be the first doll made out of the actual tea-stained muslin I bought for making the dolls. This oughta be fun.
Oh, and Jeff bought me a cutting mat! That is the number one thing about crafting. If you don't have the right tools, you will either frustrate yourself to no end, or badly damage a great antique. (My mom's sewing cabinet, which she has since given to me) It needs a little refinishing, and some scratch repair here and there, but there is nothing like a quilter's cutting wheel to make your furniture run screaming into the night.
So now I have what I need to solve two problems. A) Maintaining my hobby of creating beautiful works of art, which I love, and B) connecting with my daughters. When the girls are old enough, I will teach them to sew just as my mom taught me. The machine is different, but the setting is the same.
So what can you do to maintain your own sanity? I guess this is more than just a blog post, this is more like a series! Step one, find something, ANYTHING, that is reasonably priced, that you enjoy, and that can be done at home. Reading, writing, painting, it can be anything as long as it is something that you can put away relatively easy. Nothing challenges sanity like walking into a room and finding the crochet project that you worked on for 100+ hours unraveled all over the floor. (Yes, this has happened, although in my case it was a single square that only took two hours, but STILL....) Find something that can help you connect with the kids. As they watch you, their curiosity will bloom, and you will enjoy each other's company a lot more than if you just sat on the couch and watched Dora consult her map for the five trillionth time.
What if your kids prove to have no aptitude for it whatsoever? So what. At least they tried something new. It will only take a few "something new"s for them to find something they enjoy, that you can share, and that they're good at. It's about broadening their world.
And at the same time, you broaden yours. Seriously. You want to maintain sanity? Give yourself something else to think about. You'll be VERY glad you did.
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